She hated me
The way I ran happily oblivious
down the solemn hallway
while she was hyper-vigilant
listening for sounds of a beating.
She and my brother were referee
punching bags blocking Father’s fists
while I stayed at a distance
crying and praying,
“Please don’t let him kill Mom.”
She hated how I washed the dishes
accidentally leaving dried crumbs
she whined about the stained fork tines
“You can’t do anything right!
So I have to do Everything!”
She hated the invalid space I fulfilled
how I sneezed and breathed and sniffled.
She hated me for my existence
how different I am:
I was helpless, she was capable
I was useless, she was irreplaceable
I was a child, she was a surrogate
caretaker child, a servant-like
Everyday she fed me curses.
It used to bother me
being detested and bullied
But the after effect is dualistic
internal external strength
negative positive grace.
Forgiveness is perennial
it constantly reblooms.