My sister bullied me
she showed me who was alpha
wouldn’t let me eat
set me in my place
patrolled my victimhood
trained me in slavery and dominance
because I was the mirror she hated.
I detested her jealous surveillance
but pitied her when I saw her degraded
often by our father who whipped
the whole family out of shape
out of our minds and bodies into the astral
beating is a kind of rape.
He spared me but not exactly
he perpetually creeped me out
if he was the king of our prison
I was his hunchbacked accomplice
part jester, part lap dog, 100% coward
more cocker spaniel
than feisty cross-eyed pug.
I had a wise counselor tell me
about survivor’s guilt she said,
“Physical wounds eventually heal
but victims of neglect, and sexual abuse
take longer to heal because their wounds seem invisible.”
Did it really happen?
Am I the pervert imagining this?
No you’re not imagining.
Why would anyone want lust from their father?
No you didn’t cause or imagine any of it.